


Like a Mood Ring

by negickapologist (neganstonguething)



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Kind of a crossover, M/M, Needy Rick, Negan's potty mouth, Ridiculously fluffy, shameless plugging of favorite characters, vaguely sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 09:24:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neganstonguething/pseuds/negickapologist
Summary: Rick can usually tell Negan's mood by the way he kisses him--until he stops kissing him.My entry for day 1 of Regan Week on Tumblr.





	Like a Mood Ring

**Author's Note:**

> So, a quick apology to those of you who have never played the TWD game. I highly recommend you do so, because it's literally the best thing to ever rip your heart out and stomp all over it. Lee and Clementine are both characters from it, and I adore them so much that I decided to give them important roles in this lovely, Regany contribution to Regan week.
> 
> Enjoy!

Most times, Rick can tell generally what kind of mood Negan is in by the way he shows his affection. When he’s had a good day, he comes home and greets Rick with warm hugs from behind and kisses on the neck, and Rick often has to remind him that he’s probably not getting any action until bedtime. But sometimes, Negan is able to convince him to send a text message to Beth at her daycare, asking her to keep Judith a little later. It’s usually on evenings where Carl has chess practice, so Rick knows he won’t have to worry about explaining any noises or that ‘hot ass and cheetos’ smell to his son, who gets grossed out by any contact between his parents whatsoever.

When Negan has had a rough day, he’s all over Rick all the time, though it isn’t necessarily for sex. It’s like he recharges through languid kisses and long cuddling sessions. It’s in times like this that he caresses the tops of Rick’s hands or traces his fingers through his beard or hair. He finds his relief in Rick’s skin or eyes or voice, and he often says so.

When he’s just outright pissed off, he avoids contact altogether. Rick has tried to confront him on days like this, only for Negan to distance himself and vent from across the couch or bed or living room or kitchen. Rick has long-since learned that this is simply because Negan will let off steam in due time, and he almost always tries to make it up to Rick later in soft, loving kisses to the top of his head or temple or shoulder afterward. Rick never minds, though. Negan’s rants aren’t as bad as he thinks they are. Sure, they’re riddled with curses and colorful twists on normal vocabulary, but for the most part, so is his day-to-day word choice, so it makes no difference to Rick.

And there’s a whole range of different moods, all with unique displays of affection, with kisses and touches ranging from rough and needy to slow and patient. Rick craves each and every one of them, and as a result, he can never get enough of Negan in any setting. He wants to console him with his presence, delight in all his joys with him, feel and laugh and taste and touch all that is Negan, Rick’s boyfriend of two years.

Two long, perfect years. They haven’t always been filled with happy moments, but both men sought comfort in one another, became stronger because of each other, and in the process of recovering from their own respective losses, saw a long future together. Impulsive, obnoxious Negan, with his not-so-hidden softer side. Intuitive, righteous Rick Grimes, who learned to find humor in the worst of situations through Negan. Two men, both hopelessly infatuated with one another.

For Rick, it started with Negan’s strange, relentless wit. His lack of fear of retaliation to his words—some of which had initially been offensive to Rick—soon grew into admiration for how blunt and honest Negan could be.

But then, Negan’s depression hit a downspiral, and he stopped showing up at his job, at the bar, at frankly _anywhere_. Rick couldn’t get him to answer any calls or texts, and it wasn’t until weeks later, when Negan confessed that he’d lost his job and was going to lose his home, that he finally reached out to Rick.

Rick should have been angry, or maybe disappointed, and perhaps he was a little of both, but he honestly felt relief that Negan had gotten into contact with him of all people, and in a display of what could maybe be interpreted as recklessness, invited Negan to stay in his home until he could get back on his feet.

And Negan _did_ get back on his feet.

But he never left Rick’s house.

Rick doesn’t remember exactly when Negan stopped sleeping on his couch and started joining him in his bed, but he does know it was for a wide array of different reasons. The men had shared loneliness and grief over the loss of their wives, and Negan had done a lot of complaining about how uncomfortable Rick’s couch was, and the imminent budding of sexual curiosity between the two had likely been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Rick doesn’t recall a slow healthy buildup in their relationship. There had been tension, long stares, blatant flirts with awkward responses, and then there were the _explosions_. Like Rick coming home from work and suddenly finding his back against the screen door and Negan’s mouth and chest and _everything_ pressed against him. The husky “ _I’ve been waiting all fucking day to do this to you_ …” that had left hot on Negan’s lips and burned Rick’s tongue and teeth and mouth and warmed him straight to the bones.

Or Carl winning at a tournament and the entire family celebrating at an arcade, and Negan officially being accepted as part of said family. Rick had yanked him upstairs at the end of the night, once the kids were tucked away in their beds, and demanded in a growl, “ _Fuck me, Negan._ ”

The ’L’ word came just as suddenly. Negan, whose new job had been as a high school gym teacher, being given the bonus of coaching the baseball team—something Rick had learned from conversation that Negan was very passionate about—, was in the middle of raving giddily about it.

Rick had found the words difficult to process, but not because of lack of interest. In all honesty, he’d been as ecstatic as Negan. It was just that he couldn’t stop staring. Negan had been so excited, his eyes wide and arms waving delightedly about. Like he’d been told he’d won the lottery, and seeing him this way had done something to Rick. Suddenly, Rick had realized that he wanted to be there for everything. He wanted to see Negan this happy every single time he got the chance to. He wanted to see him get up when knocked down, and attend every game. He wanted to grow old with Negan, and for Negan to see Carl and Judith graduate and start their lives.

“ _I love you_.” He had spat out, unaware of the fact that he’d interrupted Negan in the middle of his excited banter. But it hadn’t mattered, because to Rick, it had been something he’d needed to voice right then and there.

And Negan, as dumbfounded as Rick, had just repeated the man’s words, as if mulling them over, before responding in kind. Rick had melted into the two hands suddenly on his face and the lips pressed against his own.

It’s all been downhill from there—an easy cruise through relationship development and smooth sailing right into domestic life. Judith had already been fond of Negan, and Carl eventually warmed up to him, and it’s had its ups and downs, but it’s honestly been great since.

Rick couldn’t be happier. He looks forward to whatever gesture of affection Negan is feeling for the day, and he welcomes it every time with open arms.

But when Negan starts coming home late and heading straight to his office (which Carl so politely offered the game room up for, in exchange for having all the consoles in his room) without more than a quick peck and a friendly greeting, Rick begins to worry.

In his defense, he’s a pretty affectionate guy. He was with Lori and still is with Negan. And after being so adjusted to all of Negan’s touchy-feely gestures, it’s almost like he’s feeling symptoms of withdrawal when they nearly come to a halt. It’s well into January, and this winter is unusually cold, so Rick craves Negan’s warmth even more.

Besides, it’s not like he can get his desired closeness anywhere else. Carl barely offers more than an awkward side-hug anymore, and with Judith in first grade, she’s in an ‘independence’ phase, where seeking out consolation from Dad (not Daddy anymore) is strictly forbidden.

Rick knows Negan uses his office for work, so he makes a point to never bother him with this kind of concern, which even Rick knows is a little on the petty side. But what could possibly be eating away at all of Negan’s time so suddenly? The perverted Negan who never used to turn down things like sex and cuddling and making out. Now, he’s gone nearly every day (sometimes even on weekends) for long hours, and retires straight to his office when he gets home.

Rick decides to investigate, because that is clearly the proper way to handle this.

Luckily for him, he’s got connections. Maggie Rhee is one of his best friends, along with her husband, Glenn. She teaches Agriculture at the high school, and she and Negan happen to work in the same building. She likely sees more of Negan during the week than Rick, himself. Especially now.

He visits her on a weekend, while Negan is away for a game. Carl and Judith immediately beeline for baby Hershel, and are quickly joined by Maggie’s neighbor, Sophia. This conveniently leaves Rick and Maggie to their own conversation. As Maggie prepares tea for them in tall glasses, Rick takes a seat at the dining room table and begins explaining himself.

Immediately upon returning with the drinks, Maggie meets Rick’s eyes with an incredulous stare. “You’re askin’ me about Negan?”

Rick shrugs. “You work with him, so…”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Maggie answers bluntly. “Rick, he’s a good guy, but I only get along with him for you. I don’t make a point to be his friend.”

Which Rick understands. Maggie and Negan didn’t get along at first, because he’d sold Glenn a car without knowledge that the transmission was bad. The job he’d lost had been as a car salesman. In any case, the result of the miscommunication had been an unexpected crash that had hospitalized Glenn for a few days. Negan had initially been a little defensive, but after he and Maggie had gotten nose-to-nose arguing, he’d eventually apologized. Maggie has softened considerably to him now that he teaches instead of selling cars, but she’s civil with him at best.

Still, can’t hurt to try.

“I know.” Rick sighs. “And believe me, I appreciate it. But you see him on a regular basis. Figured I could ask you if he’s actin’ different.”

Maggie narrows her eyes. “What happened, Rick?”

“Shit, no.” Rick’s hands come up, trying to shoot down what he knows Maggie is thinking. “Nothin’ like that. I just want to know if he’s okay. He’s been real busy at home, and I haven’t seen much of him in a while.”

Maggie’s scowl doesn’t disappear. Rick admires her protective nature. He knows he would be the same if, for whatever reason, he didn’t trust Glenn. Rick has known Maggie since long before Negan came into the picture, through her late father. Hershel had been a close friend of Rick’s.

“So he’s goin’ places without you or somethin’…?”

“Nah, not aside from work. He’s honest, Maggie, I promise.” Rick laughs nervously. “He just goes up to his office after comin’ home late and I don’t see him until bedtime.”

Maggie frowns. “Have you asked him what’s got him so busy?”

“Well, not yet, but—”

Maggie rolls her eyes. “If he’s bein’ truthful, he’ll answer you, Rick. If you don’t think he’s sleepin’ around, I’m not sure what you’re worried about.” She follows her words with a long drink of her tea.

“Well…” Suddenly, Rick feels a little embarrassed. He knows he can tell Maggie anything, but now that he thinks about it, asking her before his own _boyfriend_ is a little far-fetched. “I guess it’s just that I want to be sure somethin’ is wrong before I go askin’ what it is, y’know?”

Maggie shrugs, seemingly content with that response. “I wouldn’t go worryin’ too much until he starts runnin’ off and comin’ back with hickeys or smellin’ like someone else. Talk to him, Rick. I’m sure he’s just busy.” She seems so certain of her words that Rick feels compelled to agree. But it’s really not infidelity he’s worried about. Negan learned his lesson after Lucille—he’d never do that again. It’s the burning desire to know why Negan suddenly doesn’t seem to possess the need to shower Rick in affection that’s got the smaller man more concerned than anything.

“Where is he today, anyway?” Maggie asks.

“A game.” Rick replies. “His team’s doin’ real well, so they’re participatin’ in a tournament.”

“See?” Maggie laughs. “Just busy. But if you’re still havin’ doubts, you could try Everett.”

“Everett?” Rick cocks an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Maggie nods, “he’s the history teacher here. First name is Lee. Real nice guy—Negan learned that the kid he adopted is in the same class as Judith, so they’ve been pallin’ around a lot lately, exchanging photos of their kids. It’s cute, once you get past the part about your boyfriend bein’ a bonafide asshole.”

“Damn.” Rick laughs. “He’s not that bad.”

“You’re biased.” Maggie swishes her tea at him.

“Yeah, well,” Rick retorts, swishing back, “so are you.”

Maggie places her tea back down on the dining table and crosses her arms. “Maybe I am. But I don’t think I can help you, Rick.”

“I understand.” Rick says with a shrug. “Thanks for hearin’ me out, at least.”

“Of course.” She responds with a genuine smile.

They spend a good handful of hours after that just spending time together, chattering about things they haven’t had time to discuss lately. Glenn is apparently going to a photography school next month, and Hershel has upgraded from walking and falling onto his face to running and falling onto his face. Maggie herself is contemplating assisting Beth with her daycare after school hours. A lot is going on, and Rick is beaming by the time Maggie catches him up on all of it.

Maybe Maggie understands that Negan’s pretty busy because she and her family have been quite occupied, themselves. With Glenn in school, Maggie teaching, and the responsibilities of parenting a toddler, they’ve probably been running around quite a lot. Rick, as a single father of two, understands and respects that.

In any case, he leaves the Rhee household with a fresh sensation of optimism and patience and a tuckered-out Judith fast asleep in her booster seat. Rick barely manages to convince the girl to eat her supper and finish her bath before he ends up carrying her to her bed and kissing her forehead goodnight. Carl has long-since retired to his room.

He’s just about to stand up and head back down the stairs to the living room, when a voice reaches his ears.

“She must’ve had a long fucking day, huh?”

When Rick turns and sees Negan standing in the doorway, he’s honestly a little surprised. Lately, Negan’s been busy with…whatever he’s doing, and on top of that, Rick really didn’t expect him to be back from his game today.

He looks exhausted. His normally slicked-back hair is just a memory of the look, strands sticking up all over. His eyes look tired and heavy, and the way he’s got himself slumped against one side of the doorway tells Rick he’s not far off from passing out like Judith had not too long ago.

Rick smiles. “I thought you were at a game.”

“It was only a couple towns away, babe.” Negan deadpans, though a smile finds its way onto his lips as well. “None of us were feeling staying in a fucking hotel, so once we finished, we booked it right back to goddamn home sweet home.” Negan’s voice is heavy with fatigue, but it’s been a while since Rick heard more than two words from him, so he cherishes it all the same.

“Besides,” Negan continues, standing upright and offering out both hands, “When’s the last time we got to see one another awake, huh?”

It goes without saying that Rick walks right into that embrace. He doesn’t care that Negan smells like sweat or that his skin feels dingy from a hard day at work. It’s just good to be in the man’s company again.

He realizes that maybe he _is_ being a little dramatic about the distance between himself and Negan lately, but also that it’s probably because he doesn’t want to take a single moment between the two of them for granted. There’s a vast collection of moments with Lori that Rick wishes he’d have drawn out for hours, and he only realized this after her death. He refuses to make the same mistake with Negan.

And hell, maybe if he explains that part to Negan, the guy will understand too. Maybe Maggie’s right—that being upfront with him about all of this is a good idea. Hell, maybe he _will_ bring it up.

But for now, Negan is giving Rick a display of affection that’s been rare as of late, so of course he’s going to put his rambling thoughts on the back burner and focus on enjoying the time Negan is offering him.

“That sounds like a damn good point to me.” Rick chuckles, pressing his lips to a spot on the crook of Negan’s neck he just happens to know drives his boyfriend crazy.

The way Negan shudders tells Rick it’s working. He feels the older man’s fingers glide slowly down his back, both hands tucking into his back pockets. “Goddamn, Rick, you really know how to get straight to the fucking point, huh?” He punctuates his observation with a hungry squeeze on the portions of Rick’s ass he can reach through the pockets. “C’mon, let’s get out of the kidlet’s room so we can keep going.”

And keep going, they do. They’re both slow and heated, fingers groping and bodies grinding in the hallway, before dropping the pace in favor of some long, much-needed kissing. Amid their embrace, Rick remembers how much he’s been missing these kisses. Negan’s like a musician, and Rick’s panting and gasping and moaning the chorus.

They come together in the shower, Rick bent over with his hands quivering against the slippery shower tile wall, and Negan thrusting languidly into him from behind. The sounds of wet skin slapping against wet skin fills the air, joined by the shower spray and a harmony between both men’s pleasured voices. And when their release washes down the drain, they unite in more needy kisses. Rick wonders if Negan is trying to make up for lost time—if he missed this as much as the smaller man himself did. But then, he internally scolds himself for questioning it at all.

They take their sweet time washing up in the shower, and then collapse into bed together, both now completely worn out. Negan looks like he could fall asleep any minute, so Rick decides he can ask about how the game went in the morning. For now, he enjoys the feeling of Negan’s chest pressed to his back and the gentle slowing of his breathing as sleep takes him over.

It isn’t long before Rick follows suit.

**\--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---**

After that, it’s apparently back to business. Rick wakes up every day that following week to Negan either already gone to work or just leaving. Of course, he tries not to think much of it, because Maggie is most often right about these kinds of things. But he’s the first to be willing to admit that the attention-starved feeling that had led up to his concern in the first place is wasting no time in resurfacing.

This time, he manages to go two weeks without deciding to talk to someone. For reasons he still can’t explain, he’s just as reluctant to talk to Negan about it as before, so he decides to try Maggie’s other suggestion: Lee Everett, the history teacher.

There’s a level of guilt to doing so, and the way Rick chooses to go about talking to the guy—attempting to do so when Negan isn’t around—makes him feel even worse. The way he waits outside of the teacher’s room for the current period to end so that he can utilize the few minutes in between for Negan-free conversation is honestly just as bad as Negan presumably avoiding Rick.

What’s worse is that there’s no confirmation Negan is actually avoiding him. And Rick can try to justify his actions by saying he’s going to stop avoiding Negan the instant he gets a clue as to what’s got him so busy, but that doesn’t do away with the fact that he _is_ avoiding Negan right now, because he doesn’t have the guts to talk to him directly about it.

Even now, Rick is trying to convince himself to just ask Negan instead of circling around him like this, but he can’t. Maybe he should be spending his time trying to figure out what he’s so afraid of instead of this.

But he’s already here, and the ringing of the bell tells him there’s no going back. So, as the high-schoolers filter out of the room, Rick sidles his way inside.

He recognizes Lee almost immediately. Carl, now a senior, had this guy as his history teacher back in his freshman year. He had been going through his own emotional battles, and the word around the station at the time had been that his wife had committed suicide after he’d caught her cheating and requested a divorce, and that he had been under investigation at the time to rule out the possibility of murder. The story had faded from all forms of gossip a few weeks after it had surfaced, and with Everett still holding up his teaching job, Rick had assumed he had been proven innocent.

He can only imagine what all that could do to one man. Having his heart broken, and then his own wife taking her life, followed by being under scrutiny for it while he’s struggling to recover. This Lee guy must be damn resilient, and maybe that’s another reason he and Negan hit it off so well. Just thinking about it all makes Rick kind of admire the guy by default, and he only knows the man by name and through a few parent-teacher conferences.

Lee has big, dark eyes with bags underneath them. But in his expression and posture is a strength that makes Rick almost feel intimidated. But for this man to hit it off with Negan, he’s got to be some level of laid-back, right?

Rick clears his throat before his mind can convince him to turn tail and run. When it reaches the teacher’s ears, said teacher turns those big eyes to Rick.

“Hey.” Lee says, and Rick detects a hint of surprise in his voice. He doesn’t blame the guy—he might as well be a stranger. “Grimes…Rick Grimes, right?”

“Uh…yeah.” Rick offers Lee a nervous smile, and then extends a hand. The teacher accepts it and shakes firmly, smiling warmly back at Rick. He almost feels guilty for being nervous to talk to him just because of strong shoulders and a firm posture now.

“Yeah!” Lee laughs, a hint of excitement in his tone. “Your boy, Carl, he used to be in my class. But that’s been three years, man. Got me wonderin’ what has you back now, all of a sudden.” Despite the edge of suspicion to the words, Rick doesn’t feel scrutinized.

“You, uh…” He laughs again. “You know my boyfriend. He’s the gym teacher here.”

“Oh, yeah.” Lee nods. “Negan. I thought I’d seen you around somewhere—it’s all in the pictures of your kids he’s always showin’ me.”

“Yeah, he does that.” Rick shrugs. “Takes more pictures than any old blockhead I’ve ever known.”

“It’s a good thing.” Lee smiles. “Family is everything, and he knows that. It’s obvious he cares about you and the kids. Knowin’ what happened to your wife, Rick, I’m sure you get it.”

“Oh, yeah.” Rick agrees. “I definitely do. And from the sound of it, so do you. I hear you adopted a little girl.”

“I sure did.” Lee grins, swelling with pride. He opens up his phone and moves through it, before holding the screen out to Rick. On the display is a young girl, probably a couple years older than Judith, with big eyes like Lee’s. Hers glow in an almost golden amber hue. But Rick could almost believe she were Lee’s biological daughter by their expressions alone. “This is Clementine. Her parents were in an accident, and for some reason, she warmed right up to me.” He clears his throat almost sheepishly. “Not that it’s a bad thing—Clem is _everything_ to me.”

“I can tell.” Rick’s heart melts as he notices this aloud. “I’m real happy for you.”

“Thanks, Rick.” Lee pockets his phone. “So what’d you need to discuss with me about Negan?”

Rick knows exactly what he was going to say before, but now that he’s talked to Lee, he suddenly doesn’t feel compelled to do so. If anything, he feels even worse about asking than he had before he’d come into the classroom.

He clears his throat. “Nah, it’s nothin’ crazy. Just wanted to meet the guy Negan’s been buzzin’ about—hear if it’s true you added someone to your family. Maybe even…suggest you bring her over so she and Judy can have a play date?”

Rick immediately notices the look on Lee’s face—those raised eyebrows and that slant in his mouth. He doesn’t believe him, but he also doesn’t push the issue. Instead, he smiles again.

“That sounds perfect. I’ll ask your man what would be a good time.”

In the end, Rick leaves feeling relieved just like he had with Maggie. There’s no way Negan would give up the chance to let Judith have a play date, and maybe he’ll have the balls to ask Negan what’s going on with Lee around.

**\--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---**

Lee quickly becomes a good friend of the family. One play date escalates into two, and then three, and soon enough, they’re spending their time together on a regular basis. Negan doesn’t complain much about being persuaded into spending less time in his office or out doing whatever, and with Lee around, the two often work together on plans for coaching. Negan even brings up the thought of having Lee join him in the coaching game.

Judith and Clementine, though two years apart in age, get along like best friends. They spend their time together, and Clementine is always calling Judith up when they can’t hang out. It’s no surprise that Lee eventually invites them all on a trip to a famous water park a couple states away. It’s still early March, but most of the park is indoors, and with Negan and Carl and Judith all buzzing excitedly about the idea of spending a weekend away, Rick would be an asshole to refuse.

Plus, Rick doesn’t mind the concept of a mini-vacation much at all. In fact, he’s pretty damn enticed by it.

And that’s how they find themselves at a lodge a couple states north of Georgia, in widespread, cabin-like suites. Rick, Negan, and the kids are given a three-bedroom loft suite. One bedroom is just up on the loft, which Carl stakes an immediate claim to, and another in a door upstairs. It’s a bedroom made for a kid, with brightly colored walls, a kid-sized table, and bunk beds. Judith squeals in delight about it for at least an hour.

Rick and Negan occupy the downstairs bedroom. Frankly, that’s fine by Rick, because they get their own bathroom, quick access to the living room and kitchen, and one hell of a balcony view over a widespread lake. The door extends from the bottom floor bedroom, a sliding door covered by a long, thick blackout curtain. Rick can only imagine how much money Lee has poured into this, but judging by the fact that he and Clementine aren’t already at the door ready to go to the water park, they must be enjoying their suite, too.

Which gives Negan and Rick plenty of time to get the kids ready. Negan pulls Carl’s hair back into a messy ponytail, while Rick gives Judith pigtails. The kids change into their swimsuits while the adults switch into their shorts (and mess around a little). Rick and Negan sneak in a quick makeout session, before Judith’s footsteps and high-pitched voice alert them that she and Carl are ready to go find Lee and Clementine.

“Good thing we didn’t quite fucking get to the heavy petting.” Negan jokes, and Carl, who happens to be just within earshot, scowls at both of them.

“Don’t be gross right now, please.” The teenager whines, before he scoops Judith up piggyback and waits or Rick and Negan to knock on Lee’s door.

When they reach the park, the two girls bound right out into the water together. For an indoor setting, the park sure is huge. They’ve got towering water slides, plunging drops, and a massive kiddie park. A lazy river surrounds the entire thing.

Rick and Lee are both feeling the lazy river more than anything else, so Negan happily frolicks off with the girls, while Carl heads for the slides. Rick can tell without asking that Negan has been itching to get into the water, because even though he’s in the children’s section, he’s having just as much fun. As Rick and Lee climb into innertubes and start their journey around the lazy river, he can hear Negan taking bets with both Judith and Clementine on when the massive bucket of water hovering above them is going to fill up and tip over onto them.

“He’s just a big kid, isn’t he?” Lee asks, clearly amused.

“Oh, yeah.” Rick agrees around a big grin. “He didn’t get to do a lot as a kid, though, so he sort of lives vicariously through this kind of thing.”

“I can understand that.” Lee responds. “Guess we couldn’t pick a better coach than one that likes horsin’ around all the time, right?”

“Yeah, for sure.” Rick laughs. “And he’s good to Judy and Carl, so I won’t take him any other way.”

“That’s good, Rick.” Lee smiles. “Real good. In fact, it’s a big change from how you seemed a while back.”

Rick doesn’t have to ask to know exactly what Lee is getting at. He’s known from the beginning that Lee never bought his excuse for showing up to the school all those weeks ago Frankly, he’s surprised the guy didn’t bring it up sooner.

“Yeah, well,” Rick shrugs, “I’m over that.”

“Over what, exactly?” Lee pushes.

Rick’s initial response is a blank stare in the other man’s direction. “Don’t take this personally, but the last person I brought it up to thought I was bein’ ridiculous.”

Lee’s expression doesn’t change. “Clearly you did too, if you ended up droppin’ it.”

“At the time, I didn’t.” Rick admits, swishing the water around a little with his legs. “But now, it does seem a little crazy.”

“So if you happen to tell me and I think you’re crazy too,” Lee retorts, “wouldn’t I just be agreein’ with you? No sense in gettin’ offended if it’s true, right?”

Rick frowns, deep in contemplation. He likes Lee, and he doesn’t feel like the guy would ever use the information against him. It’s probably just curiosity and concern for Negan that’s got him asking so persistently. And after spending all this money to get Rick’s entire family out on a trip like this, maybe he owes Lee a little straightforwardness.

“Alright, “Rick sighs, “okay. But if you think I’m crazy, at least tell me so without laughin’, okay?”

Lee outright snorts. “No promises, Rick.”

Rick raises an eyebrow, but continues anyway. He decides that maybe explaining in more detail will help Lee to understand the situation better than Maggie had. Hell, with as personal as the information is, Rick should’ve been more comfortable sharing it with Maggie than anyone.

But oddly, he doesn’t mind it. He almost feels like he’s known Lee as long as Negan has. And if Negan trusts him, so does Rick. On top of that, it helps that any concerns he’s had are long in the past, now.

So, he opens up. He tells Lee how Negan used to be with his affections, and how that’s all changed lately. Now, it’s less about being starved for affection, however, and more about needing to know how Negan is feeling—if his day went alright, and so on and so forth. He talks about asking Maggie, and makes it clear he never once suspected cheating, and then leads up into the day he visited Lee.

Lee is actually speechless for a handful of seconds, but he eventually smiles and looks away. “I never pegged you for the affectionate type.” The sarcasm in his voice tells Rick he’s kidding. “I know you said it’s in the past, but I still gotta tell you—that man adores you.”

Rick blinks shock at the suddenness of the words out of his eyes.

“At lunch, it’s always about you. ‘Rick’ this, ‘Rick’ that, askin’ me, like I would know, what you’d want him to make for supper or rent from Redbox or if he should surprise you with new bedding. Guy’s always thinkin’ about you.” Lee’s gaze moves back to Rick. “Look, I got no clue why he’s not all over you like you’re used to, but I can promise you he loves you just as much as he did before he stopped. You saved his life.”

_“You saved his life.”_

Those words ring and ring and echo in Rick’s mind until they start swirling together and sounding like a tune kids sing at a playground. He doesn’t know why, but he suddenly feels dizzy, and even though he knows full well he’s upright, he almost feels upside-down. The words hit like a ton of bricks, and they scare Rick.

Just how low did Negan sink all those years ago?

The crashing of water on the ground, followed by Negan’s yelling and a series of shrill, excited screams, suddenly pulls Rick out of his thoughts. He looks up just as the bucket has finished upturning itself all over himself, Clementine, and Judith. All three of them are soaked, laughing, and Negan is using the water to slick his hair back out of his face.

He looks so very happy. Rick is so glad he feels as if he belongs.

“I know you’re not worried,” Lee says from next to Rick, “but I still think you should talk to him about it. It doesn’t matter what it is or how bad the secret is—not bein’ truthful can fuck up any relationship in the blink of an eye.” When Rick regards him, he’s met with a calm smile. “I know a thing or two about lies in a relationship.”

“Lee!” Clementine hops into the water, and Lee shifts so that she can join him on the innertube. “Did you see that waterfall? It was amazing!”

“Yeah, sweet pea.” Lee ruffles Clementine’s soaked hair. “Yeah, I did. Looked cold, too.”

“It was!” Judith pipes up from behind as she and Negan come floating up on a shared innertube. “But it felt nice. It’s really warm in this place.”

“There are a lot of people, Judy.” Rick laughs. “A lot of warm bodies, runnin’ around and makin’ heat.”

“Thanks so much for this shit, Lee.” Negan adds. “It’s gonna be a fucking blast.”

Rick hears Clementine gasp. “You said a swear! Two swears!”

“Whoops!” Negan looks genuinely sorry. He brings both hands up in surrender. “Sorry, Clem. I’ll work on it, okay?”

The girl turns her attention to Lee, who nods, and then brings her focus back to Negan. “Okay.” She says with a placid smile and nothing but peace in those golden eyes.

From there, they have a good time. Clementine and Judith are both a bit afraid of the slides, so Rick, Negan, and Lee all go down with them. Soon enough, the girls are asking to go again and again. They eventually seek out Carl, who has been spending his time with a group of kids closer to his age. They all seem happy to go down the slides with his sibling and her friend, though.

They’re at it for hours, to the point that Lee, Rick, and Negan have to seek them out and bring up the suggestion of food several hours later. Even then, all three children are reluctant, but with the promise that they can go back to the park tomorrow, they comply. Judith and Carl quickly change, and Rick decides to send them to Lee’s room while he and Negan hang back.

Lee is right. And why Rick ever thought being dishonest with Negan was a good idea is beyond him. Either way, he’s ready to clear the air.

Negan emerges from the bathroom clad in a grey T-shirt and khaki shorts, his hair freshly slicked back. “Hey, babe.” He smiles. “Ready to take off? My stomach’s growling up a tune that could make the London Philharmonic green with fucking envy.”

“Actually,” Rick clears his throat, “can I ask you somethin’?”

Negan frowns, but nods and steps back, letting his knees buckle on the bed so he can sit down. “Yeah, Rick. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s just…Lee and I got to talkin’ at the park. We were talkin’ about you, and he was tellin’ me how much you care about me.” He bites his lip. “He said I saved your life.”

Negan doesn’t hesitate. “You did.” His tone is agreeable and pleasant and honest, which sends another pang of guilt soaring its way to Rick’s stomach.

“…What do you guys mean by that?” Rick swallows. “I mean, I’m real glad I helped you, but…what happened that I don’t know about?”

Negan scoffs. “I didn’t try to off myself if that’s what the fuck you’re getting at.”

Rick shakes his head. “I don’t know what I’m gettin’ at. I’m waitin’ for you to tell me.”

Negan sighs. “Goddamn it, Lee…” He scratches at his forehead irritably. “The hell were you talking about that could have compelled him to say shit like that to you?”

“I’ll explain later.” Rick promises. “But right now—”

“No.” Negan shakes his head. “ _Not_ later. Tell me now. What’s going on, Rick? This sounds serious, and I feel real goddamn out of the fucking loop, here.”

Rick scowls, but he knows Negan has a right to ask. And he also knows Negan will explain his part if Rick does, too.

So he goes for it. “A few months ago, you started actin’ distant. Worried me, so I asked around—”

“What the fuck?” Negan looks torn between shock and fury. “You think I was fucking around on you or some shit, Rick?”

“No.” Rick answers quickly. “I know coachin’ has had you real busy, and I know you love your job. You just started workin’ longer hours and then goin’ straight upstairs when you got home. Most times, you barely even said hi to me.”

Negan’s gaze falls to his lap, and for some reason, the sight makes Rick’s stomach sink. He doesn’t know why Negan looks like that, but it aches to see him that way.

Rick pushes himself to keep speaking. “I talked to Maggie first.”

“Explains why she gave me the stink eye for a fucking week.”

“She suggested I talk to Lee. Said you guys have gotten close and—”

“Christ, Rick.” Negan’s voice is a loud, frustrated whisper. “I’m your fucking boyfriend. Why didn’t you ask me first?”

Rick gnaws hard at his lip. “I…don’t know. I can’t say why, but I was afraid to. It’s in the past, though—”

“Apparently not, since you and Lee were bullshitting about it today.” Negan narrows his eyes. “Not gonna lie, Rick. It’s gonna sting like a fucking sandpaper nut cup if I find out you don’t trust me.”

“Negan…” Rick sighs. “Look, it’s not like that, okay?”

“Then what _is_ it like?” Negan snaps.

“Quit interrupting me and you might find out.” Rick glares across the room at him. He knows Negan can get a little dramatic, and also understands that the guy has every right to feel a little blind-sided. But he’s not going to bother explaining himself if Negan’s going to blow it out of proportion before he can get the words out.

He sees Negan pause, before his expression softens. “Yeah…Yeah, okay. I’m sorry, babe.”

Rick sighs. “You can be mad, Negan. Just let me explain, okay? That’s the only way you’re gettin’ any answers.”

Negan nods. “Yeah, go for it.”

Rick takes a moment to gather his thoughts back together, and then continues. “I visited Lee at the school—was gonna ask him if you were alright. We got to talkin’ about you and the kids, and he talked so highly of you, I didn’t have the heart to ask. He knew somethin’ was up, though, so he brought it up again today.”

He looks Negan square in the eyes. “The reason he told me I saved your life was because he was reassurin’ me that you still love me as much as you did from day one.”

Negan glares at the ground, a series of emotions shifting around on his features—unease, relief, frustration, confusion—before he turns his head up to look at Rick once more. He seems hesitant, and so very unlike himself. “That’s really all?”

“Yeah. Trust me,” Rick pleads, “I know now I was bein’ stupid. I swear I’m over it.”

“Good.” Negan swallows. “But you’re not all wrong.”

Rick hesitates, eyebrows furrowed.

“I’ve been busy, and I haven’t been avoiding you. But…” Negan looks away. “It wasn’t with coaching.”

“Negan…what?” Rick swallows, especially when Negan scoffs.

“I didn’t put much effort in keeping it from you, Rick.” Negan says bluntly. “Didn’t expect you to start thinking my fucking heart wasn’t in this relationship, but you do you.”

“Like I said, it was stupid.” Rick repeats.

“Yeah, a little.” Negan smiles affectionately. “I kind of figured you’d just march your happy ass up to me and ask eventually. I was prepared to answer. A little surprised I didn’t have to. You’re not a fucking moron, Rick. I mean, I’d have expected you of all people to question why I was away at baseball games in the dead of _winter_.”

“Oh…shit.” Rick bursts out laughing. “In my defense, that was the last thing on my mind. I hadn’t gotten a proper kiss in _weeks_. Which, by the way, you have yet to explain.”

Negan shrugs. “I’m sorry—didn’t do it on purpose. I was dog-fucking-tired.”

“How come?” Rick’s tone is more concerned than anything. He remembers how exhausted Negan had looked on that Saturday after his not-game.

“…I got a second job unloading trucks.” Negan admits. When Rick frowns at him he rushes to explain himself. “Carl graduates in less than a year, and I know for a fucking fact that your late wife’s funeral expenses were paid for with a big-ass chunk of that boy’s savings.”

It’s true. Lori had died young, with no life insurance coverage. Carl himself had suggested Rick do it, and Rick hadn’t seen another way around it. He’s always intended to find a way for Carl to attend without worrying about it, but money has always been a little more tight with Lori gone and daycare now a necessity.

“I also know you think about it all the time.” Negan says. “You feel guilty—I would. But you did what you had to do. And now, as a part of this family, I’m doing what I can to help.”

Negan stands up, strides across the room, and moves to stand in front of Rick. His arms come around the smaller man’s shoulders, and he holds him close. “You don’t have to worry, and neither will Carl. It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna make fucking sure of it.”

Negan is so overwhelmingly good of a person. All this time, his mind has been on Carl and his college, while Rick’s has been on why he’s not getting as much attention as he’s used to getting. He feels infinitely better knowing that Negan was just trying to help, but also terrible, because he was actually worried about the strength of their relationship.

“I don’t deserve you.” Rick makes no effort to conceal the thick weight of emotion in his voice.

“Sure, you do.” Negan laughs as Rick buries his face in his shoulder. “I’m just trying hard to deserve _you_.”

“You’re so stupid.” Rick’s voice quivers as he laughs raspily at Negan’s words and kisses his shoulder.

“I am.” Negan agrees, before he pulls away, cups Rick’s face in his hands, and looks him dead in the eyes. “I love you, okay?”

Rick nods.

“I love you,” Negan continues, “and Carl, and Judith. I love you guys more every fucking day. Next time you worry that I don’t, you ask me. Okay?”

“You got it.” Rick tries to mask the embarrassment in his voice.

**\--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---**

The kisses resurface. Negan talks Rick into changing into day clothes, and the entire time he does so, Negan’s mouth is on Rick’s neck and ears and shoulders. Rick can’t resist succumbing to the heat of those gestures— _“we gotta hurry, Lee’s waitin’”_ —and then, the entire walk to Lee’s room, Negan is stealing kisses, holding Rick’s hand, chuckling into his ear…

At dinner, they’re in a booth at one of the lodge’s many restaurants, and Lee and Carl are wincing and groaning in disgust as Negan sneaks in more kisses. Rick doesn’t fight them, but he does try to keep them chaste and family-appropriate. Lee just crosses his arms and smirks knowingly.

In the evening, Carl watches Judith while rick and Negan go for a walk around the outside of the lodge. They stroll, hand-in-hand, and Rick listens while Negan tells him how _fucking stupid_ unloading trucks is. They talk about jobs they’ve had in the past, and Negan nearly wets himself laughing when Rick tells him that he had a brief stint in telemarketing.

“I bet so many people beat off to that sweet Georgia accent of yours!” Negan all-but screams in fits of laughter.

At night, they collapse in bed together, bodies rocking in deliberate unison. Sweat and saliva mingle, and Rick arches his back when Negan rolls his hips a certain way. They come apart together, and neither can bring themselves to bother cleaning up. They just curl up together, whisper their “I love you”s, and close their eyes as post-coital bliss gives way to sleep.

Or well, almost. Rick is so close to falling asleep that when Negan speaks up without warning, he comes back to consciousness in a myoclonic jerk.

“When Lucille died, I fell apart.” Negan doesn’t seem to notice Rick’s reaction. His grip on Rick stays as firm and reassuring as ever, though.

Rick figures Negan just needs to talk, so he wills his sleep away and listens.

“I tried to bounce back so many goddamn times. You fucking saw how messed up I was. Before I met you, I’d get better, get a little spring in my step, and then have a bad fucking day, that would lead to a bad fucking night, and I’d say and do shit I’d end up regretting.”

Negan clears his throat. “And then _you_ came along. All different. Accent sweet as warm fucking honey, an attitude that didn’t put up with my bullshit, and then you gave me your _number_. I started relying on talking to you. It made me feel better. You liked talking to me, and even though I’d been a monumental shit to you, you still let me in.”

“Negan…” Rick drags his tongue across the backs of his teeth. Negan’s actually pretty sentimental. It’s not that part that’s surprising. It’s how he’s still awake enough to talk about it right now that weighs heavily on Rick’s mind. Negan must’ve really been needing to talk about this.

“No, I’m serious.” Negan cuts in. “You gave a damn about me, which made it easier to give a damn about myself. And it was all gravy, until I hit the fifth anniversary of Lucille’s death.”

Rick hears him swallow a lump in his throat. “I didn’t want to see anyone. Didn’t want my day to be bright. I didn’t fucking deserve it. I was horrible to Lucille. I loved her to death, but I was shit at showing it. I took her for granted in so many ways. _I_ should have been the one to die.”

That’s hard for Rick to hear Negan say, but he lets him keep going.

“I felt that way for so long. Punished myself by avoiding happiness…avoiding you. Went crazy one night, got wasted on tequila, and broke all the shit in my living room. It was when I saw the damage I’d done and realized I was gonna lose my job, my apartment, _you_ …that I woke up. And you welcomed me like it hadn’t been for-fucking-ever.”

Rick turns to face Negan, eyes wide.

“You made me happy, and you’ve been _keeping_ me happy.” Negan continues. “ _That’s_ how you saved my life.”

Rick just smiles. “If not for Carl and Judith, I’d have probably been just like that. You’re not as weak as you think you are. This has been a team effort.”

Negan scoffs. “How do you _do_ that?”

“Do what?”

“Turn me praising you into…fucking…me praising _us_.”

“I’m just tellin’ it how it is.” Rick laughs.

“You’re something else.” Negan rolls his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Rick cups his face. “And thank you for tellin’ me.”

“I always will.” Negan responds. “You just gotta ask.”

“Shut up and kiss me.” Rick scoffs.

As Negan obeys, Rick can tell by the type of kiss he’s getting that the older man is having his best day yet.


End file.
